Chapter V
“I’m scared
Afraid that I’m not human
Afraid that I’m different from all other people
Afraid from the things I don’t know
And the things I do know
And yet, above everything else…I am most terrified of my own existence…”
“Mother, I’m afraid the Chosen has got in touch with darkness while we were absent. She is to stay here in this little cottage until the destined hour. She is to stop going outside for a while and neither visitors nor family are allowed to see her for the time being”
“For the sake of the Chosen and this world, I’ll endure it till the end.”
Mother became a doll, which only listens to its master’s commands.
“What is to become of me?”
“It doesn’t matter anymore…
No matter how hard I try to move forward, I am held by the sin I committed.
They wouldn’t be like that if I were not to complain about their believes.
I don’t have a future to look forward and live.
My future is different with this thing I’m carrying on…
What is it that I’m carrying?
Darkness?
But the Chosen is supposed to be a shell against any darkness.
Was that also a lie?
Also??
Was there before it another lie?
All of these are lies…
They keep on feeding my mind with lies. And I believed them…
All these years, I’ve been living under a lie.
My dreams…my ideals…faded to nothing?
My hearts had been confused ever since the first time I saw that incident.
The bird…the light…the ocean…all of these were lies.”
I went and saw…things I shouldn’t see…
I saw the whole crime…
Preparations? They were preparing for the ritual.
The ocean that was supposed to shine when the Chosen comes near, was only light bulbs hidden beneath so it can perfume a perfect light shone from deep within the ocean.
The light that I was supposed to omit was also fake.
The bird…I saw it…our eyes met.
Wasn’t it I who should turn into a bird and fly to lord?
Wasn’t it the Chosen?
And the cave? The tombs? The black threads?
I’ve seen the day light…
“I wonder why…
Tears won’t come. Maybe I’m heartless.
It hurts here, inside my chest as if my other self, whose supposed to be the Chosen, was a real self.
She won’t feel pain if she died…so I don’t feel pain anymore either.
Everything will be just like a dream. Yes, just a dream…”
I’ve been living a lie. There’s nothing inside…
