Sad scenes

I recently finished watching "Aishiteru"~ honto ni aishiteru yo~ T^T
Just watch it. I'll upload it for you if you have difficulties watching online.
Click here to download.
parts.wmv

Black Dot in the Ocean! Special thanks

こんばんは
Konbanwa

It's so difficult to do a proper and good intro ~__~
Anyway, into the matter. I wanted to give BIG thanks to those who have read my story,
commented and send an e-mail. I know that my story had so many mistakes
and on top of that went a little off of what I wished to convey...I know I do that a lot.
I'm thinking of re-writing it again with so many editing and correction to the plot.

As for the other uncompleted stories, I'm wondering how to complete it -____-
Don't ask why, my mind is busy with other matters, don't ask what ;;>///>
Right after I finish "My Half Existence", I'll start over with "Half Alive" and "Education at Corners"

Anyway, thanks for reading.
Special thanks for sensei, mon chou, Lino-chan and AA. I know your visiting my blog
but I have no idea if your reading or not...well, I'm not sure enough, but yeah its a hunch.
Oh and before I forget, thanks for sharing with me your stories and poems.
I think its time for me to steal some lines from them, since I'm in my 'dead end'
You don't mind, now do you? /just jk
I appreciate your help. It was because of you that I developed and
improved.

りがとうございました。

Black Dot in the Ocean! Chapter: 7

Chapter VII

The light of the Chosen residing inside me was like a needle that thrust through my chest.

I felt like a peculiar kind of pain entered my body and creeped around my heart.

I succumbed to the pain as it twisted the needle in my heart a little more and drained any ounce of hope I had left of surviving…

“Surviving? Continue on living?…Hope?

I feel like I’m living without hope.

Where can I find this hope?

Have you lost yours too?

What is it to be done now?

Is it possible to make another hope? Can we live without it?

Can we borrow it from someone? Would they give us?

We, who wondered around searching for the meaning of our existence…”

“It hurts. Regardless of how many times I tried looking around for someone, no one was found in my sight.

I’m in agony… is there no one who share the same pain?

I can’t do anything. I’m powerless.

Time is running out. Tomorrow my story will end.

I feel jaded. The weight of the burden is killing me slowly…slowly.”

“It’s getting late.”

Even though I’m trapped in this cottage, I knew night was coming.

The day slowly ended.

I was slowly heading to my end…my death.

I wasn’t afraid of it, but now fear was eating my very soul.

Stuck in here all alone…I wasn’t hoping to be saved.

The thought of sharing the same happiness human beings had, never crossed my mind.

Once truth was declared and that old man fed my heart with even more confusion, it haunted me day and night.

“I want this real happiness!

I want to live!”

I heard sounds of footsteps outside the cottage.

The door opened with an intimidating creak.

A single dim ray shot from outside the cottage fell upon my dark eyes.

Yes, my eyes had grown darker each day I spend locked away in this haunted cottage.

I was stained black. Darkness enveloped light and controlled over everything that was beside me.

I was no different from those things…

I kept my eyes shut as tight as I could and only listened.

The sound of their footsteps became more clearer.

“Prepare her well, mother!” the judge spoke.

I knew his sound pitch and could distinguish his voice among million ones.

Yes, the voice of the man who set my destiny on stone…

“Tonight we will purge the girl.”

Someone came so close to me and whispered: “Dear, stand up so I could change your clothes.

You’re going to meet your Lord today at night. I’m so proud of you.

You defeated the darkness which distracted you!”

My mother…her kind voice and gentle hands batting my shoulders send me back to the nostalgic days. The sealed past started to stir in my chest, where I used to run around the house with laugh until she gets the breakfast done.

When I stripped, she came crying out loud “Are you alright?” and threw her arms around me…

When she encouraged me to walk forward toward grasping my dreams…

I turned into her warm embrace and was on the verge of tears.

“Dear, I know it was hard for you to bear such difficult situations. But worry not, for everything will end today. Stay strong till night. It’ll descend soon…very soon.”

Mother’s encouraging tone made the matter even worse.

“I feel enervated…I don’t have enough strength to carry on this horribleness…” I said with a low voice in which only she could hear.

Mother didn’t reply until she was sure enough that only my presence and hers existed inside the cottage.

“You can relax now. Your Lord is waiting for you. Weren’t you eager to meet him?”

“I am, but why should I sacrifice myself?”

“You’re not sacrificing your life. Fulfilling your duty it is as the Chosen…endowing your life to your one and only Lord!

Beside, you’re alive now, isn’t this enough?”

“No, it isn’t enough at all.”

“My dear, your words are like swords stabbing the Lord…”

“These aren’t my words. My own words have died since I became the Chosen.

These are the words of a human being trapped inside the body of an Angel…”

“Enough! What happened to the daughter I rose? The one who wished to be the Chosen!”

“I’m no more your daughter. I am the Chosen now!”

“And I’m glad and honored to see my own child becoming the Chosen who will save this world.”

“I’m not glad at all. I want to return being a human being just like you.

I want myself back!”

“He was right! Darkness approached you. You’re now stained with darkness.

Look at yourself. Since when has your smile fade this much?”

“Since the day truth revealed itself!”

“Your sadness…is it from becoming the Chosen?”
“It’s because of not being able to hold dear that which belongs to me…”

“It’s true that you had to sacrifice a lot for the sake of transforming into the Chosen, but you see, my dear, you don’t have to try hard anymore. You have already become the Chosen!

There’s no need to feel sad over what has gone. Don’t chase after what makes you cry,

try hard by yourself with what is left.”

Nothing was left to try hard with…

I was dressed with a white dress, as whitish as the pure light.

And they blinded me so that earthly pleasure could never reach to me…

Sitting on my knees, I heard again sound of footsteps, the door has opened and suddenly…

A familiar sound… “Have you talked with them?”

A voice which eased my suffering and lightened my heavy heart.

“I see you’ve spent some time with your mother. Anything changed?”

“The whole country is after my death, my parents are no different…”

“What do you want to do? Go against it or with it?”

“Can we do it? against them?”

“We can!”

“I can’t…”
“You can!

You are the source of hope!”

“Hope?”

“To purify the world is what they all want from you in exchange of your life.

With your death, they gain strength to continue on living!

With your life, they gain the hope to live!

Having you, they can feel they’re alive!

If you died, no one will be troubled. Actually, they would enjoy your death. They never thought of this ritual as killing someone innocent. With your agreement it sounded different, but to me it’s all the same.

What is the worth of this world if we were to kill those who are said to be known as the Chosen?

If we were to kill them, what will be saved in this world?

Is the world supposed to be worth more than them?

What is the worth of this world, when it will not allow you, who made no sin, to live in it?

If I were to go against this world or save you, I’d choose to save you to the end!

Even at the cost of my life!!”

Silence filled the place. I couldn’t hold my tears…

“Strange…

People out there were happy when I chose death over being alive.

And now a man who I met before couple of days, hurts himself and may commit, what’s called as crime here, in his bid just to save me…”

We both remained silent for a moment. Even with my eyes blind, I could hear his heavy breathe…

“What do I need to do?”

“I have a plan. You need to escape and run to a save place.”

“If everyone in the country wants to kill me

How far do I have to run away to be safe?

Are there any places that are safe?”

“If there isn’t any, then make one!”

“How foolish I am…

I’ve desperately searched for a place where I can live peacefully.

The Chosen who never believed in materialistic things, was herself at heart searching for a materialistic place to live in. Peace was never been a thing to touch.”

He untied the fold on my eyes and got down on the ground in front of me.

“Listen carefully to what I’ll say. We need to get you out of here as soon as we can!”

“I wonder how much longer this road will continue on for?

I wish I can stop time…I’m waiting for a miracle to happen.

I long for that hand…that patted me on the back.

The hand of a father…who used to rub my head.

The hand that taught me how to draw dreams.

The hand that soothed me all this time.

I want to hold it tightly…”

The ocean, so clean and quite.

I’ve always looked at it from above, but never experienced touching not even sailing on it.

It looked so dazzling.

I, and some unknown people, on a calm night prepared a boat and were ready to sail on the ocean back to the city where that old man lived…his hometown.

They gave me a black dress to wear and a black blanket to cover on it.

We promised to meet on this land before taking off, but he didn’t show up.

Never did I felt that scared from death before. My feet held strongly on the ground, resisting from advancing.

It felt as if the shadow of death reached its hands on my feet and grabbed it tightly preventing me from escaping.

The spirits of each and every dead Chosen, disposed of in the cave, still suffer.

The souls immersed in the ocean, still suffer…

I haven’t done anything for them. I shouldn’t escape from this land and leave things unsettled…

If the town people knew about that, they would get furious and might never live their normal life as they used to do.

However, I wanted to live!

The Thoughts of having many wonderful times just by being alive made me want to live…

They were my hope!

Everyone will begrudge me…Having expectations of being saved then being betrayed…

“I can’t save them. The Chosen can’t save anyone.

The Chosen was only an illusion born from darkness…

I’m going to be fine. I can live by myself!”

The moment I put my foot on the boat, I felt relieved. I used to think that it was impossible to find a safe place, yet the small boat sheltered us. It welcomed me with open arms even though I was the Chosen, who’s supposed to be an abomination that will bring disaster to this world if I were to live longer than what I was allowed to be…

The preparation was over. We waited for his arrival…however, he didn’t show up.

Back then when we were inside the cottage, he told me that he’d disguise as the Chosen and will reveal himself when the right time hits.

I wondered what took him so long.

The ritual was about to begin. We heard strange sounds and decided to leave in case things went out of the old man’s hand.

We sailed away from the land.

Watching and remaining silent were what I’ve done all the time. I couldn’t prevent them from leaving him, nor did I reject on going without him. I was afraid from stalling. I didn’t want the town people to see me. I didn’t want them to devastate my happiness… I didn’t wish to be a sacrifice…didn’t want to be the Chosen…didn’t want to die…

I saw a light shone on top of the cliff and lights deep within the ocean just beneath the cliff.

I kept watching the land as it shrank and got smaller and smaller…to the extent that it looked so much like a black dot…a black dot in the ocean…

I gazed at it until it disappeared through darkness, not because it’s be the last time I’ll watch it; rather it’ll be my very beginning…the beginning of my second story.

Black Dot in the Ocean! Chapter: 6

Chapter VI

“Don’t chase after what makes you cry,

try hard by yourself with what is left.”

Nothing was left to try hard with…

No more tears knew on my cheeks a way.

With so many visits, they got bored and left.

The road I was walking on was filled with needles…

No, it wasn’t put to harm me. But to awaken the soul which I carried the moment I was born.

They couldn’t prevent me from walking for I to bear such a harsh fate.

The Chosen was to fear not that which harms human beings…but that which harms her companions.

“I never wished that”…never have I wished for myself such a dream.

Not the dream that I longed for…

“A nightmare…”which kept threatening me to pledge my allegiance to it.

I have shattered into pieces and no one seemed to have the power to collect them.

“Broken beyond repair”…my soul.

No more could I bear this pain while having them watch over me bleeding.

“Waiting for the end”…yes, they were waiting for my end.

The end of the black dot whose fault was of being born, spreading darkness upon all that existed.

“You’re not alone!

All the people, bearing heavy burdens, search for tomorrow.

You need not search for someone to collect that which belongs to you.

You, alone, can collect your own pieces of yourself…”

Without me…”the world will be filled with darkness.”

Without my light…”people will live in pitch darkness.”

Without this necessary sacrifice…”darkness will bestow its eternal suffering upon us all.”

“There is no darkness in a place where the sun shines.

There is no spot in which darkness can posses for eternal.

There is no replacement for the light of the sun at day time and the moon at night.

Your eyes reflect a beautiful sun, that’s the only thing you among all own.”

“I have the blood of the Chosen flowing in me. I was born to save the world.

I was born…to be a sacrifice.

Because I was the Chosen, I was always alone.

Because I was known as the Chosen, I wasn’t a human being.”

“Everyone wants to save the world. That which flows within you is the same blood as each and every human being posses.

It’s true that you lived a lonely life, but it wasn’t because you were the Chosen.

You didn’t have the strength to approach anyone because you would die as the Chosen and with ties, the mission will be even harder to be accomplished.

It’s because you were the Chosen that I was able to meet you. I’m glad that you are the Chosen.

Live as the Chosen and save the world, but remember that there is another way to life other than to wait for death!

As long as God exists, there is a hope of being saved…of continue on living!”

“Why is it that I’m being stalked by this voice?

This voice…this gentle voice changed everything around me.

I am now in a place which cannot be seen, but my soul has seen it…

This voice aches my heart. Anything was better than this agony.

Anything was more tolerable than this confusion.

My heart had been confused ever since that incident when I saw the cave.

My fears had been ever since growing upon me. I’m trying to comfort myself with many suppositions, but I found all in vain.

I want it now…

I want it…desperately…my life!”

“Where the pain is coming, there is something real!”

“In the direction where the pain is coming from…

This sensation…is it my other self’s feelings?

Lonely and sad?!”

He came.

In a moonless night, outside the holy house, I waited for my destiny to arrive.

However, he reached me before it…

“They said if you don’t want, they won’t force you to do it!” he claimed.

And continued on, “Speak! Tell them what your heart desires!”…

“But my heart doesn’t belong to me…” I proclaimed.

“What are you saying?” he questioned.

“This isn’t the time for this. Don’t you want to do what you like?”

“Not all what I want is the right thing to do!” I replied.

“What do you mean? Haven’t you asked for help couple of minutes ago?

All you have to do is either cry or speak.”

“I am the Chosen!

I can have what I need without the need to ask for it…

I can’t cry. I can’t shed tears over worldly pleasures.

I can’t speak. My words are unheard by merely human beings.”

“Are you serious?

Yesterday, you were dying to live and today, you’re throwing your life.

That’s strange…

Have they bought your mind?”

“The Chosen has nothing to fear of…I have nothing to lose.”

“Is this you? Or have you given yourself to the imaginary holy creature they’re talking about?”

“The real me has died…I no longer exist…

My words...words when I was a human being, meaningless words…”

“Are you throwing away your life?

Do you wish to continue on living as the Chosen?”

Words didn’t come…What I wished for was a life.

The one who gave it to me, is now asking for it…

It became so precious that I refused to give it back…not by the hands of creatures.

“What am I supposed to do?

Is there a way to get me back being a human being?”

“Live! That’s the only way you can show others and yourself that you’re a human being.”

“And this, which I carry? What am I supposed to do with it?”

“You must not kill that which is alive.”

“Can I live, with two souls?”

“Merge them!”

Tears formed in my eyes. I sniffed and wiped my eyes, trying to appear strong before

this old man, but the words he said was much stronger to rebel against them…

“I wonder why…

Why are you trying to save me?”

He let a loose smile and said genuinely

“Because you’re trying to change things for better and because you look like my passed away daughter..”

“That makes you as my father.”

It was a long silence we spend looking at each other. Our throat felt tight and words couldn’t be formed.

To him only I felt that I could be myself…

“Tell me, is a father supposed to be like that?”

He looked at me with a sad eyes and whispered:

“If only you didn’t become the Chosen, you could live more freely.

If there were no such thing as the Chosen, they might accept their fate and live peacefully till the end.

The Chosen can’t save anyone. She’s hurting others and getting hurt herself.”