Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Souvenir of 昨日!

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عقل مشتت ... مشاعر متزاحمه متضاربه ...
حيرة تغتالني, ينتابني شعور مخيف يحطمني ... أعيش كأني وحيده رغم كثرة من يحيطون بي
أرى في عيونهم نظرات الشفقه وربما السخريه
أرى في عيونهم ... أراها كسهام تدمي جسدي. يحاولون إخقائها لكن عيونهم تكشف خفايا قلوبهم
آه ما اقساها من نظره ...
أحاول الهروب والابتعاد منهم حتى لا تجرحني سهامهم.


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لا أعرف كيف ابدأ الكلام ... هل اقول إن الطيبة في زماننا قد تقضي على صاحبها؟!
بل إنها كذلك فعلاً ... لكني مع الأسف لم أكتشف هذا إلا متأخراً وبعد أن تلقيت صفعه قويه
أيقظتني على حقيقة مرة, مرارتها كتمت أنفاسي ...
جمدت الكلمات في لساني, شلت كل تفكيري ... أصبحت جسداً بلا روح ولا تفكير

أمن أجل أنه شرَع أبوابه ليحوي كل من حوله بالحب والخير؟

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Thursday, March 24, 2011

Shocking!


~<*>~<*>~<*>~<*>~<*>~<*>~<*>~<*>~

Konichiwa~
Been a long time since I posted about my stuff, other than stories.

Remember my baby cockatiel? It turned out that the bird is She, rather than He T^T
Which means, no chirping ...

Not like this one


Or like this one


But rather like this
Click here
And here

How shocking...

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Tiny to Fade Away! Chapter2: Remember


Chapter Two: Remember!

I’ve always thought of memories as something that remains for a long, long time ...

But, just like the snow which melts away so quickly, they all were fleeting ... Trees, flowers and grass all eventually wilt away. People were no different. All life eventually die ... and so memories ... disappear as well ...

Human beings don’t need a certain system or program to install in order to forget ... However, there are some who are in dire need of a power beyond the grasp of any creature to attain the ability to hold dear what’s precious to them. To remember ... was difficult to accomplish ...

Before the arrival of that destined day ... I led a normal ordinary life. A young lady, living a simple life with my mother and my brother. My friends were no exceptions. I had full control over my body ... and my mind!

Shrouded in shadow, I was still unaware of the change that was happening inside of me. Going to university, doing the assignments, preparing for presentations and such were the only things that occupied my mind that time.

Good morning.

G’mornin~

Jane, my childhood friend and more like a little sister, was a young lady one year younger than me. Compared to her age, she acted more like grownups. Not only was she talented in drawing, but also in painting!


How’s today? Anything new?” she asked.

That guy is starring in a new movie!!” I cheerfully announced.

Who?” curiously, she asked.

Uh ... that man ... uhh what was his name? ... uh. Umm ... you know him!

Who?? Nawki Nano?” she guessed.

No!

Sakurai Neiji? Oscen Brow? Shinji Tobe?

No! ... No! wait ... let me think!” I said clutching hard at my head attempting to remember.

WHO?” quite irritated.

That! ... with the long beard and small eyes-

Satoshi Raich?” she interfered.

Yeah!! That! That!” I assured.

What ... that man ... “ she said a little disappointed.

What ... ?

I thought Nawki’s starring in a new film ...

Who wants him anyway ... He doesn’t have that figures.

What kind of figures you’re talking about?” she questioned irritated.

A true lone wolf ... a knight-like figure ... long face, small eyes, build up, solid expre-

Yeah, yeah. As if Satoshi has them all ... “ she interrupted.

Any doubt?

So, what kind of movie?” she kindly posed a question.

One that needs a second season!” I teased.

Ehh? You watched it already?” surprisingly she asked.

Yes, my dear. Who would miss a historical kind of movie?

It’s name?

Be fully prepared. Here goes ...

The Mysterious who Adopted Mystearica!” I uttered with one breath.

Wait ... ‘The Mysterious who-‘ what?

’Adopted Mystearica!’

I doubt it’ll stick ...

Write it down on your hand if you don’t trust your head!” I joked.

What do you mean?

Nothing ...

As we were en route to start our usual quarrel, Mary, our best adviser, as we call her, intervened.

Goody goody morning~” she pleasantly toned.

Ara? Mary! What a pleasant surprise. How gladly we are to see you so happy in this early morning. May I have the honor to hear as to why this fervent enthusiasm today?” I inquired in a dazed manner.

My oh my. There is something pleasant with your mouth when you speak, my fair lady. What a manner ... what a splendid way of posing a question!

I’m honored by your compliment!

You see,” she started moving her right hand around, “yesterday, I have finished all of my assignments and fortunate enough, I accomplished all of the missions I was assigned for!

Ooh, these are some good news. What could these missions be? If your highness doesn’t mind to drag on ...

Oh, no, not at all. You see, Poetry tasks, Drama task-

Ahhh!!” I shouted.

W-what?” both stared surprised.

I forgot to do them ...

Huh? I can’t believe you. This isn’t your first time, is it? Your sure you don’t suffer from Alzheimer or something?Mary questioned leaning forward toward me.

Of course not ... “ I laughed. “Please, just this time. Lend me your notebook!” I pleaded.

Hmm ... It can’t be helped. I’ll lend you mine. Next time, make sure- “ she paused, came nearer and whispered into my ears, “-to write it down on your hand if you don’t trust your head~

Hey ...

After giving a big grin and a nudge, she left, offering to me her notebook.

It was a joke, yet I worked with her advice, buying a tiny notebook and sticking it to my bag, jotting down the important things. Not so long, it turned into a habit to write whatever crossed my mind. The calendar was on the list with them, not to mention the small stickers I used to stick around the walls beside my desk in case I forgot. That way, I thought I won’t forget ... Apparently, I didn’t, but not for a long time ...

On twentieth of December, I realized something hidden beneath my shadow. It was time for my other self to reborn. Or rather, already born and frequenting my body in my subconscious, until it will devour me into its thicker darkness ... Soon enough the buried shadow will start to resurface ... the other me ...

At seven in the morning, I prepared quickly and rushed to the kitchen where my mother was cooking breakfast. I sat opposite of her and started eating. By the time we finished eating, it was time to depart for university.

Jenny, don’t forget. As soon as your day at university ends, come directly home. I entrust everything at your hands!Mother announced.

Yeah, I didn’t forget. Send my regards to my aunt.” I replied taking my bag and some notes.

Don’t forget the keys!” she ordered from the kitchen, cleaning up the rest of the dishes.

Ah, I totally forgot ... “ I mumbled.

Searching here and there was futile, for the keys were no place to be found.

Mama, where did you put the keys?” I shouted asking.

I thought I gave you last night. Look on your desk or in the drawers.

I’ve looked. Nothing’s there.” I informed, feeling a little jaded.

Ehh ... Ah-“ she seemed to remember and continued on, “you said you’ll put them inside the pocket of your skirt in order not to forget.

Did I?” I questioned not remembering a bit doing the action. The moment I searched inside, they lied there ...

Not only was I forgetting what I’ve done so far, but also I was beginning to forget to jot them down on stickers. ”Ah- this headache ... “ I complained clutching my head.

You’re okay? You’ve been complaining about this headache for a long time. You better go to the hospital soon.” She kindly advised.

I left without responding. I had an exam, yet I couldn’t tell anyone. Mother won’t rely on me if I were to expose the truth. The incident that happened afterward, precisely before going into the exam, invigorated my shadow to step up refusing to stay cooped up inside me ...


Students were assembling, the class began filling in. Noises came from every direction, pulling the chairs and desks, shouting, laughing and whispering. Mary, Jane and other people I know, hasn’t attended yet. I was standing there all alone, as students roamed the whole class. Just few moments passed and their voices drifted away into the distance ... Their load voices became like low whispers spoken by many. There was a slight ringing in my ears. Everything became hazy. My mind was so turbid that I didn’t even understand what to do. The scene played through my mind over and over again. The ringing got louder until suddenly, “Jenny?Mary called out.

What’s wrong? Your okay?” she asked worried.

I nodded slowly forcing a smile as I went to sit on any of the front chairs.

Something was wrong with me, I thought that time. After finishing the exam, I planned to skip the last period and drop by the hospital to get my condition checked.

By the time I reached the hospital, it was crowded with so many sick people. I had to wait for one whole hour for only half of them to finish. The remaining ones forced me to wait for another one whole hour resulting two whole hours of waiting. I insisted to get checked.

Ringing could be heard.

I slipped my hand in my bag, scanning through for my mobile. “Yeah?” I answered paying no care for whoever called.

Jenny. Have you reached home?” It was my mother’s voice.

Home? No, not yet. Why?” I asked, voice filled with fatigue.

Why? YOU, have you forgot that I entrusted home in your hands? What are you doing right now?” she shouted, infuriated.

Ah ... “ I remembered thus I stood up and went back leaving behind unsettled matters.


I was running. My breathing became heavier with each step. I reached home only to know that I forgot where I put the keys ... “Where did I put them?” I mumbled with each move I made, scanning through my bag and the purse inside with hands shivering. I wanted so desperately to find them, yet I failed ... I was left there starring at the front door with a stricken heart. Feelings of hopelessness crept within me ...

The sky poured down rain so heavily. I could not hear the sound of the little water droplets dripping on me. My vision became blurred. When I came out of it, I found myself standing under the rain totally socked.

Jenny?” a familiar voice called me out. I tilted my head up and turned to see mother standing shocked ...

What’s wrong? Why are you standing here?

Mama ... I can’t find the keys ... “ I stuttered.

Haven’t you put them inside your pockets? Have you lost them?” she continued asking questions as she came nearer and began her investigation. She found the keys on her first try the moment she slipped her hands on my right pocket ...

There they are!! Don’t tell me you forgot them again?

I DON”T KNOW!!” I screamed, frustrated ...

I don’t know ... I forgot ... I ... forgot ...



Friday, March 18, 2011

Tiny to Fade Away! Chapter1: Forget!


Chapter One: Forget!

Wake up! It's past six! You don’t want to miss the fabulous view, now do you?

Fabulous view?

Anyway, go take a shower. I’ll take you on a nice tour around the garden you were so eager to visit.

Who are you?

It’s always been you, the only person stamped on every picture my eyes saw. Not only in reality, but also in my dreams I could only see you. Who are you?

Someone you don’t know.

I want to know! I want to know you ... again ...

Eh?

Your presence isn’t new to me. The warmth I feel from you. This easiness sensation you give. Your cheerfulness face doesn’t look strange to me. Somehow, I forgot and I want to know.

Tell me, once again ... who are you? ...

... We better hurry, or else we won’t make it out.

... I want to know you ...


The wheelchair was brought near from me. I could walk normally and had no clue over why to use it, nevertheless, I was forced to, especially when I was to be taken out of my room.

Mama, look, she hit me!

A kid, while we were heading to the garden, precisely still in the corridor, ran passing by beside us ... crying.

Oh dear, does it hurt?” the person with the red scarf, adult like, knelled down, rubbing the kid’s head.

Mama.” I suddenly uttered.

Mama ... what is ‘Mama’?” I inquired glancing up with a mystified expression at the person who was pushing my wheelchair, that same person whom I failed to know again ...

Is ... is it that person’s name?” I fixed my gaze upon that person rubbing the kid’s head.

No!” I exclaimed.

It isn’t her name! She doesn’t look familiar to me ... a total stranger. I don’t remember her ... Did I forget? ...

Or ... did I want to forget? ...

Couple of minutes I spent in silence.

It hurts ...

Are you okay? Shall we go back to the room?” The person holding my wheelchair questioned.

It hurts in here.” I stated placing my right palm on my chest.

Why does it hurt whenever I try to remember?

My organs are suffocating. They’re clenching ...

Am I forgetting? ...

Why ... say, why am I forgetting?

I want to meet her! The person whose name is ‘Mama’ ... I want to see her!

Without a word, without producing a single breathe, the place was filled with deadly silence.

Why are you crying?” I questioned directing my eyes at the person behind me who stood leaving one tear fell down as the other followed ...

Why? ... Why is everyone crying? ...

Let’s go!” the person spoke after wiping away her tears.

Go? Where? ... “ I questioned puzzled. “Where are we going? Where are you taking me? ...


These are scans of your daughter’s brain, Mrs. Mcloud. You are able to see the extreme shrinking of the Cerebral Cortex and the Hippocampus. The cross section of her brain, this black part is the inner temporal lobe, which is associated with memory loss.The doctor explained pointing out at the scanned pictures of my daughter’s brain after getting MRI.

Compared to this healthy one,pointing to another scanned picture,it’s larger. Clearly, the brain is shrinking, which is a characteristic of AD’s ... also known as Alzheimer Disease!




Thursday, March 3, 2011

Education at Corners! Chapter 7


Chapter VII

Once upon a time, there existed a magnificent place that was the source of knowledge. Small fairies, starving for education, set on a journey to earn it. Somewhere on earth, they found the destined place … a lake of information and facts. There, they were told by the knowledge providers to walk forward with their tenacity engraved into their hearts. The way, shown to them, was dark and filled with thorns scattered all around just like a red carpet spread on the ground gorgeously. With the blankness of the sight, they were walking on it, unable to feel the stinging in their feet. Nevertheless, as daylight broke in, they found out the truth that was prohibited to leak.

Despite the fact that they were caught, the small fairies were commanded to continue stepping over them, enduring a thing called ‘pain’, for the sake of getting ‘experience’ that will enhance their abilities and build up for them strong legs to climb the ladder to success… Over time, the small fairies became acquainted with the flow. The complications ensued as the information from the lake evaporated from liquid to turn into steam that drifted with the wind. The providers showed no concern. Neither did the headmaster, who sat on her comfy chair, ever stared at the ground which was heavily stained with red liquid called ‘blood’…


In the name of education, the small fairies were locked in that place. Its impregnable walls wouldn’t crumble. There was no ounce of hope in escaping. They shuffled around the corners in despair. Despite having the providers consistently noticing the SOS signals they kept sending, they never seemed to be fazed by it.

Sadly, the small fairies attempted to adjust to their new life, pinning all their hopes on a day in which justice will prevail. Unfortunately, their hopes vanished into thin air…


They gradually returned to their normal selves, throwing behind their agony and sadness and trying to get education, the main purpose of their journey. In order to gain what was lost, they had to fight their ways into the lake to recover it. During the fight, they were divided into two groups, those who supported the providers and those who opposed them. The chain of events that happened afterward has set free all the concealed feelings of grudge and hatred not only against the knowledge providers, but also against their comrades.

Admits this, mysterious fairies insidiously attempted to waylay all of their efforts. The fairies have revealed to be the outstanding receivers, among them, according to the providers. As their enormous days dragged by, the providers handed over to them some seeds. The outstanding fairies decided to plant them in a place shrouded in darkness, while the other fairies, innocently, planted those seeds around the gorgeous lake. Reprimanded by the providers for their act, the fairies wondered aimlessly over what went wrong. At first, they refused to believe themselves as wrongdoers, but once conceived, it haunted them day and night. Their hearts had been confused ever since that happened. Their fears had been growing upon them. They acknowledge themselves as criminals and let it envelope them in its apathy.

To satisfy them, the providers promised for a new bright future. Enticed by the promises the providers gave, they worked as told without knowing their real objectives, finding out only after the seeds at the corners had germinated, while theirs remained beneath for what seemed like eternity…

Those small seeds resembled the future the fairies were striding forward to. Relentlessly frequenting the lake in their absence, the small fairies unwittingly revealed the black magic cast upon the small seeds preventing them from germinating. Tensions between the providers and the fairies who opposed them have escalated resulting nothing. If they chose to speak, they will face an end to their stories. The play ended with their predicament never once being heard. The echoes of their stories were only voices that went unreceived.


Should we blame ourselves, for not being brave as to stand and take our rights back, or blame someone else for not being able to do the job instead? We never hoped for that. We never wished to exacerbate the problem. It’s just that we were stripped of our weapons. And without them we couldn’t fight for our rights… We didn’t know if the knowledge we had, been meant to be our weapons or not. It was futile thinking about anything, we thought…

It was walking forward…

It’s continuing on walking. It never looked back at us.

What makes it strong? Who provides it with strength? Who’s giving it courage in order to move on even in difficult times?” It was telling us to walk…till the end. It’s moving slowly despite having up ahead an unlimited way. It looked at me, everyday, with the same look. It’s always there when I needed to look at it. Inclusiveness was its symbol. It has nothing hideous in it. Are we supposed to become the same?