Chapter Three: Fading!
Fifth of February. Eight a.m. in the morning.
I’m afraid … I don’t want to disappear. Isn’t there a way to stop it?
All those people whose memories have gone missing should know that there is a hope … that they can get them back … However, hopelessness was awaiting my daughter … The withered flower of memories never seemed to blossom …
Rain … sound of rain pattering around us so heavily …
“I don’t know … I forgot … I … forgot … “ my daughter stuttered, weeping as she had never wept before. I couldn’t distinguish my daughter’s tear mingling with rain droplets. I ran to her and grabbed her, trying to calm her shivering cold body. She clutched her side, trembling … That was my first time seeing my daughter in this kind of condition. She mumbled again and again the words, ‘I forgot’, not only in agony, but also in fright. I stroked her hair gently unable to produce a letter. The rain fell even heavier, that was when I realized her breathing hardly through her sobs. “Ma … ma” was the last conscious words she spoke of. Immediately I took her inside, rushing to her room, cuddling her into the blanket. Her hands held my clothes firmly. Refusing to let go, I was forced to take off the jacket and continue attending to her condition that was worsening every minute that fled … I laid there, beside her, stroking her hair. Her hands wouldn’t unclench from my jacket. It was odd seeing her like that, but I never wished to see her so frightened ever again …
“Ehh? Why not??”
“My dear, she caught a cold yesterday night. She’s sleeping safe and sound. I feel guilty if I tried to wake her from her peaceful deep sleep.” I explained to Jane, who called asking the reason behind my daughter’s absence.
“Ah yeah, it rained heavily yesterday … “
“I don’t know how long she’s been out in the rain.”
“She loves rain so much.” She claimed.
“Yeah.” I assured.
“Hopefully nothing serious will happen to her.”
“I also hope so.”
“Well then, I guess I’ll drop by when university finishes.”
“Oh, I’m afraid to tell you that we’ll be out for the whole day till midnight.”
“Ah, is that so? Then that leaves me the only choice .. I’ll meet her at university tomorrow.”
“I’m sure she’ll be happy to hear about your call.”
“Hehe, she must be!” she stressed chuckling then continued on, “Well then, say hi to her and tell her to take good care of herself.”
“I will. Have a nice day, dear.”
“Thanks, you too.”
Tomorrow … she won’t go anywhere. I wanted to be with her for a little while, or so I thought.
The rest of the day was absolutely nothingness. My daughter was in her deep slumber and my son went to school, spending his entire time yesterday with his friend, studying and revising for his exam. The weather has become less favorable and the scenery wasn’t photo worthy. I had to do the usual housework and afterward went to shopping which was over and done within about 20 minutes. I used my excess time in searching over the net for the causes which could make a person forget. Depression, was one of the results …
The next morning, she woke up early, asked for a breakfast and was fully dressed and ready for university. I couldn’t prevent her due to her cheerfulness face and her enthusiasm. “Good morning, mama.” she greeted me profoundly. I greeted her back and we sat to eat our breakfast.
“Do you have to go to university today?” I asked.
“Yeah! I have an exam. I can’t skip it, now can I?” she meekly answered.
“Oh how unfortunate … “ I uttered with disappointment.
“Hmm? Why?” she questioned.
“I wanted to have you the whole day.”
“Hehe, I’ll be yours for the rest of the day. If I remember right, I don’t have anything to do for the rest of the week, which means I’m occupied today only.” She announced happily, seemingly not paying attention to the fact that something happened just few days ago. “I’ll be going then. Later!” she waved running out leaving me no chance to wish her good luck.
Not so long, after finishing my work, I had a desire to look at her room. I haven’t been there for a week and I had the urge to see it. The turned the doorknob, the room was open. It was pitch black inside. The blinds closed the entire windows. Not a single ray went in. I turned the lights on and directly went to open the blinds alongside the windows. Enough light and air refreshed the room. Turning around was the turning point of my life … no, our lives, mine and my daughter's. The walls facing the table were full of small notes. Some words were jotted down. Not only that, but also her desk beside the bed and on the cupboard. The small stickers were hanged one above the other. Names, dates, appointments, numbers, drawings, important notes, and so many things were written. On her desk, only pieces of papers were found and some pens. When I read, all they talked about were things related to her studies. Trying to open the drawers, the top left one was locked while the below was open. In there, laid some pencils, same pencils scattered all around the drawer. The other two drawers on the right side were normal. Only books and notebooks placed there. My next investigation was the cupboard. The same things were there. A big amount of the same blouse was found with the same color.
I couldn’t remain in there for another minute. I could still hear the throbs of my heart beating so strongly even after getting out of the room. I headed toward the kitchen for a change of mood. “Something is wrong with her!” my thoughts were repeating every now and then. To stop thinking was impossible … “Is she that much depressed?”
Horrible feelings stroked my heart. Was it because I looked at the room, I knew not. The house suffocated me forcing me to leave. A soft little ringing I heard on my way outside. The phone’s ringing echoed the whole house. I rushed in and, “Yes?” I answered the ominous call.
“Hello? Is this Mrs.Mcloud’s house?” the man asked.
“Yes … who could you be?” worriedly I asked.
“Can you come to the hospital immediately?!!” he requested.
I felt a sudden pressure in my heart. Fear overwhelmed me. Something might have happened to my daughter … Without noticing, I found myself running outside, stopping a taxi and riding on. “Where do you wish to go, Ma’am?” he politely asked. “H-hospital!” I stuttered. “Huh? Which hospital?” he questioned. “J-just go to every hospital in the city!” I shouted. Noticing how troubled and lost I looked, the driver drove slowly to each and every hospital. “I’m sorry..no patient with the name of Jenny Mcloud arrived here.” the receptionist informed. “Don’t tell me she committed suicide…” I, unconsciously, started negatively throwing one assumption after another. “Sorry, no one is found by that name.” the same thing repeated on the second stop. “God, please let her be safe. I have only one daughter..” I begged, on verge of tears, while we were heading to another hospital. On my third try, as we arrived at the Izamec Hospital, the receptionist asked me kindly to hurry up to the fourth floor, where my daughter was taken to. Normal patients with minor illness usually are taken care of at the first floor, yet my daughter was assigned to the fourth one, in which I had no idea what kind of illness does it treat…
I got to the elevator and watched as the doors closed. No move was made. I was lost thinking of what happened to her. When I came out of it, I quickly pressed the button. The elevator slowly climbed to the fourth floor and jerked to a stop. A high squeaking noise announced the opening of the doors, doors of my daughter’s life wrapped up in darkness.. I ran a long corridor, the more steps I walked, the strong the throbbing in my heart went, and finally glanced Jane waiting outside a room with wide white doors, wringing her hands. “Jane!” I called out from far away, rushing to her as faster as I could. “Mother..” she uttered, tears filling up in her eyes. “What happened?? Where’s Jenny??” I rapidly started asking her questions. “She..she’s okay. Sh-she’s just sleeping inside..” she said stuttering. I turned around and stepped forward to the room. “N-NO! don’t go.” She shouted pulling my right arm. “Why not? I want to see her!”
“Th-the doctor is examining her-“-“-What happened??!” I interfered, trying to grasp the whole incident. She looked down for a minute, tilted her head up and whispered, “I don’t know. I .. found her screaming and weeping. She fell unconscious and we .. brought her here..”…
Back before this happened, at university, it all began when the second period was about to end..
“That’s why I use these kinds. You know, nowadays you can rarely see anyone with an old model.” A girl informed, sitting on a desk discarded out in one of the corners just under the stairs that lead to the second floor.
“You can browse the net, right?” Jenny asked. The clock face showed the time to be half past eleven; the end of the second period drew near.
“Yeah! You can also chat using either MSN messenger or Yahoo’s. Cool, isn’t it?” she asked with enthusiasm, pretty glad to ditch class.
“Oooh!” she said looking at the cell phone with glittering eyes.
“I have to go now.” The girl suddenly informed, after looking at the watch on the cell phone’s monitor..
“Ah, you have only two lectures?” she questioned. “Yeah.” The girl answered.
“I see..” while uttering these words, the girl already left, looking for someone. “I guess I’ll go home too. I feel jaded..” she mumbled, heading to the second floor. As she walked the hallway, suddenly she stopped. “Eh? Where is my class..?” she stood there trying to figure out her class, that she forgot, among the ones that were wide open and filled with students. Her heartbeat raced faster as she searched aimlessly. The corridor was crowded with many girls, roaming, walking, whispering and laughing. The search was futile. Nothing seemed familiar to her. An idea came up to her, and she started searching each class for her classmates, in hope to find the right one. Unfortunately, since the second period has ended five minutes ago.. giving more than enough time for the girls to leave the class. She looked at the first class, just beside the stairs she used recently. Inside, two of her classmates were chatting with their friends. The second one had also two of her classmates, one roaming the class while the other was writing on the white board. The other one was undergoing a test. One of her friends came out. She greeted her and asked, “How was the test?”, even though she had no idea what the test was for. “Well, it wasn’t bad, I guess.” the girl replied a little disappointed. “How about you? Did you answer all the questions?” she asked and immediately, “-Ah “ she shouted, “Look at the time. I’ll be late to catch my bus if I wasted one minute. I forgot to take my stuff.”. The girl opened the door, asked for permission and went to her seat. Jenny peaked, in hope to recognize her class. The chairs at the first row were empty, so were the ones at the left and right corners. The teacher was sitting on one of the desks placed in the center of the class. Someone pushed her from behind and girls made their ways to their seats for their stuffs. Slowly she stepped forward, examining one desk after another, trying to recognize her bag. Despite the effort she made, nothing seemed familiar. Her breath became heavier, a loud ringing reached her ears and her vision blurred a little. The strange faces of the girls roaming, stricken her frightened heart. Tears well up on her eyes, her heavy breath could be heard more clearly, her body shivered and she could remember nothing.
Panic-stricken over the unknown class and students, Jenny contemplated on escaping. She ran quickly outside the class, only to bump into Jane, who was terrified to see the state her friend was in. “Jenny, your okay?” she inquired looking extremely worried. As she came nearer, trying to put her hands on her shoulders, “WHO ARE YOU? DON’T TOUCH ME!” Jenny screamed, leaning her back to the wall behind her. “Jenny?” feelings of worry flashed through Jane at the distraught young lady clutching her sides, trembling violently. “Wh-where is .. my class..?” she stuttered breathing heavily. “Jenny!” in shock and disbelief, she ran over to her at once. “I forgot my class … I can’t .. remember. I forgot..where is my class?” she fell to her knees sobbing, repeating over and over that she forgot..
Not far away from her, there stood many audiences watching the intimidating scene unable to feel the severity of the pain she was undergoing. She shed tears as her screams echoed through the air, failing to endure the pain caused from her other self attempting to surface.
